I’ve been putting off getting my wisdom teeth out since I was a teenager… So at least 12 years….You know, things come up…. like being a fresh adult in college during the recession, not having the $$$ to get them out…. then working in the animal welfare non-profit world and not having health or dental insurance (and $$$)… then just being flat out terrified of being almost 30 and never getting them out. I have heard too many horror stories about “elderly” wisdom teeth removals… Yes, I do mean elderly at 30! I am past the prime age of getting wisdom teeth out!
When my husband and I started dating we were in a “domestic partnership” so I could go on his dental insurance. I’ve been going to a dentist on his plan ever since… and this dentist couldn’t be more annoying! He tries so hard to relate to his patients… He found out I worked at a humane society, so he started telling me about his PURE BRED DOGS THAT HE BREEDS! That’s a big no-no when talking to someone who is working to fight pet overpopulation… Spay or neuter your pets, people. He found out that I was getting married so he started telling me about his daughter’s wedding in New York City at a Yacht Club… yeah… very relatable to me… NOT! I’m sure he’s a perfectly nice guy in his circle of friends, but his world is definitely a different world than mine. I enjoy mutts. I like my dogs and cats not to have their uterus or testicles. I had my simple, beautiful wedding in a Midwest town.
Every single time I go in for my routine cleaning I get nagged about my wisdom teeth. I have never had problems with my wisdom teeth. They never hurt me. But he tells me the exact same lecture EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Finally, I gave in to the nagging educational sessions of my dentist and scheduled an appointment for the Oral Surgeon. BUM BUM BUM
In the end of April, I met with my Oral Surgeon. I’m all ready to ask questions. What kind of pain will I be in? Does my surgery have any complications? How soon can I go back to work? How many wisdom teeth need to come out? Will my other teeth move when my wisdom teeth are out?… Did I ask any of these questions? NOPE!
I got called in to the back room by the Assistant (forever known as the Ass. now). She took me right to the X-Ray machine. Weird. My referral said I had an X-ray from 2015. Oh well, I assume they know what they’re doing and read over all my files. The Ass. brought me back in to a break room and had me watch a 15-minute video, which looked like it was from the early 2000’s. The video talked about what was going to happen during surgery and the complications. I got about 14 minutes in to the video and the Ass. came back in and said “you’re basically done, let’s go in to another room for the Doctor to see you”.
We go in to the room. I sit in the chair. The Ass. leaves the room. I’m there by myself staring at the white walls 4-5 minutes just waiting for the Doctor to come in. In walks this 70 year old man. He looks like he should be retired. No chit-chat. No small talk. He just says…. “So, you want your wisdom teeth out. Open up, let me see what we’re dealing with.” as he starts putting the mirror-on-a-stick in my mouth. A little conversation would be nice before you start sticking things in my mouth! Even ladies of the night get a little conversation before the deed!
Ten seconds in my mouth. He’s done. He said: “it looks like you need 3 out. But, you should probably do all 4 while we’re in there. Do you want to be put under or local?”. Slightly shocked and the abrasiveness, I just say “I don’t want to remember anything”. He took notes an walked out of the room. I DIDN’T GET TO ASK MY QUESTIONS! So another assistant walks in and talks to me about setting up an appointment and verifying if I want all 4 out. She brought me up to the check out counter to get my estimate and schedule the surgery. As the lady was itemizing my estimate she said “Oh, it looks like your insurance only allows one X-ray per 5 years.”…. Wait? Didn’t my referral say I had an X-ray in 2015? The Ass. heard from around the corner… “Oh, I didn’t read the referral…. just don’t charge for the X-ray”. THEY DON’T READ YOUR NOTES BEFORE MEETING WITH YOU? WTF!?
It’s time to schedule my surgery and the receptionist was telling me I should do it the Friday of Memorial Day weekend, because I’m a little older than most patients and I’ll probably need the extra Monday off of work to recover… Memorial Day it was… It was going to be a fun holiday weekend….
Over the next four weeks, my anxiety grew. I was getting more and more nervous about being put under, getting my teeth hammered out of my face, and the pain afterwards. I just was hoping for a good “coming out of anesthesia” to have a funny memory of the experience.
I like being in control. The thought of being put under and not being in control of what was happening to me absolutely terrified me! I didn’t want to be the one in a billion horror stories of someone having a heart attack while under anesthesia… getting their wisdom teeth out. I just knew with my bad luck, that was going to happen. I didn’t want to Donda West the situation. Funny thing is, my sister was set to be induced with baby number 5 the day I got my teeth out. I kept on thinking thinking is this the whole circle of life thing going to happen? Is one soul going to leave the world as one enters? Is it meant to be? HAHAHAHAHA The thoughts that went through my head were mind-boggling.
Days leading up to surgery, I would silently think about not being in control and tears would come down my face. The morning of the surgery I could not stop crying! I seriously woke up with tears in my eyes. Anthony and I had the quietest ride ever to the doctor’s office because 1: he didn’t know what to say to console me; and 2: I couldn’t talk without my voice cracking from being so nervous. To say the least, I was a HOT MESS!
I checked myself in and got a sudden urge to use the restroom… you know… the nervous poops. I did my business, expecting to come back in to the waiting room, sit next to Anthony and get my head on straight. Nope. I came back in and the Ass. was waiting for me. I awkwardly hugged and kissed Anthony goodbye, not knowing if it was the last time I would ever see him (seriously, but not serious).
The Ass. brought me back to my chair. She was trying to small talk me and realized I was a hot mess and decided not to talk much.She let me know what was going to happen, put a heart rate monitor on me, and asked me if I wanted a blanket. I did not at that time. It was the hottest day ever. 90 plus degrees! She started asking me why I was nervous and tried to comfort me a bit, but it didn’t really help. Still nervous. I was about to be put out. No control of myself.
The super-friendly (NOT) Surgeon came in and immediately put the tunicate around my around to put the IV in. No small talk, no comfort, nothing! He was digging around in the vein by my elbow (super scientific, I know). He could not get it after a minute of digging and decided to go for the hand vein. I don’t mind getting blood drawn/donating. I just don’t look at the needle going in my body. Same thing while getting and IV. While he was taking the needle to my hand, I saw the Ass. give the Surgeon some vials fromand he put them in the IV from the corner of my eye…. I just blurted out “OH, GOD!” out of pure anxiety. The Ass. looked at me like “really?”. It was about 15 seconds later I was still talking to them and said “Am I supposed to feel sore?”.
Next thing I know, my eyes were opening and I saw the Surgeon pulling the stitches in my mouth. I guess I started talking because I was told to stop talking. Haha. At some point during the surgery, I must have started shivering, because I woke up with not one, but two blankets on.
I had to sit in the chair for about 15 minutes until they thought I could walk again. I was guided to a recovery room with a bed that looked like the sick-bed you had in elementary school.
Then Anthony came in and immediate started laughing… I guess I looked really pretty….
The Ass. had a hay day telling Anthony about everything I was saying…. I told stories about how I was going to eat a lot of lo-mein. I talked about lo-mein a lot apparently…. and Anthony’s hairy chest. Sorry, dear!
At least I got a good coming-out-of-anesthesia story? But really, is it?… I talked about lo-mein and my husband’s hairy, manly chest… Reeeeeeaaal cool…
I went home and was wide awake the whole day. I was told I was going to be tired and sleep my day away. Nope! I watched the entire Enlighted series with Laura Dern. I just spent my day watching TV and cuddling my kitties.
My diet for the next week consisted of chunky mashed potatoes, ibuprofen, Tylenol, and penicillin. It was a great week… My poops were soft and green… Can you imagine my surprise when my poop was GREEN!? Immediately, I knew I was dying. WebMD‘ing symptoms always leads you to your immediate death…. or finding out it’s a common side effect of penicillin.
Memorial Day weekend is supposed to be the unofficial start of summer… and it was very summery outside! 90 degrees. Great outdoors water weather. I was going crazy stuck inside watching TV. 1.5 days in to the ordeal, I had to get out of the house, so we went to Menards to get duct work for the basement (we’re finishing it). I can tell you that was a bad idea! I was very queasy in Menards. I busted in to cold-sweats while Anthony was shopping. I felt bad that we had to leave pretty darn fast.
I slept on the couch with a slight angle. I kept my head up so my pain wasn’t awful during the day. Ibuprofen and Tylenol seemed to work just fine for me. I didn’t to take my narcotics. One night I finally got brave and slept upstairs in a normal flat position. BAD IDEA! I woke up with the worst pain ever. It burned, it throbbed, and I cried. I finally got smart on night 3 of this to bring up pain relief to take in the middle of the night. Kids, listen to your Doctor when they tell you what to do with your post-op care. Especially when it comes to sleeping with your wisdom teeth removal instructions. Probably the worst pain I have ever been in… more than when I broke my ankle or had kidney stones!
I went back to work 4 days after removal and still puffy. Many co-workers commented on my fat face. Thanks, guys.
I was back to normal about 1.5 weeks after surgery. It was a glorious day being able to drink of a straw again… Guess what my first item was?
A BLOODY MARY! Go big or go home, right?!
So now my wisdom teeth have been out for 7 weeks. I am back to a normal looking person. But it’s annoying…. I get more food stuck back behind my molars now than I did before I got my wisdom teeth out… That was why the dentist wanted me to get them out in the first place…. food could get stuck and cause an infection! So now I am at a greater risk than before? Ha!
Nothing is really different. My mouth feels the same as before. I spent lots of money to not notice any difference and get more food stuck in my teeth. Cool, bro.
I guess the best part of this story is… I got to be lazy for 4 days on the couch, eat ice cream, and watch TV. Also, I finally got my husband to watch a show I’ve been trying to get him to watch since we started dating… True Blood! AND HE LIKES IT!
Couples: moral of the story here… if you can’t get our S.O. to do something you want… have surgery.
I’m not saying don’t ever get your wisdom teeth out. Listen to your Doctor. Just document your experience for all to see!
Married without Kids 